Part 2: Excruciating solace

So you see I have been at

a war with myself,
a little over 2 years.

I tried to come out of it
I tried to forget about it
I tried to be vocal about it
I tried everything and
anything.
But was greeted with only
dejecting defeat.

and I since then I  have

felt solace slipping
into someone else’s
skin.

Ephemeral solace but solace.

It gave me a certain kind of assurance;
a certain kind of protection;
a certain kind of comfort;
the kind that I didn’t
find in mine.

But now it has become
suffocating.
I crave to find
own myself.
My own suppressed
and smothered self.

I still yearn and
long for it.
But this ache is
suppressed by
my own “solace”.
By my own
excruciating solace.

 

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